He Is Not Calling Me Back for a Second Date

This situation can be a real heartbreaker. Women, wonderful women who go on dates in good faith, give as much respect and interest to their date partner as they can, and make it clear that they wish very much to hear from the guy again in the near future, often sit by their phones for many long, lonely evenings, never to hear from him again. Why does this happen? Put simply, the blame can either be placed on you or on him.

If you are to blame -- and we don't mean this in a bad way, but are truly only trying to help you with the situation -- then usually one or more of these things have happened. First, you might have been too intense for a first date. If your talk was overly focused upon marriage and children, or if you were far too eager for more interest and attention than would be normal in a situation in which two strangers are just trying to get to know each other, your intensity might have scared off this man. Here he was just trying to get to know you, and you have made it seem like you are ready to head for the church! So, if this is your tendency, you need to tone things down a few settings, be interested but not monomaniacal, and trust that he knows you like him.

Another problem might be that you pressured him to call. Believe it or not, the old adage your mother advised you is true after all: playing hard to get does work! This does not mean that you should be cold to him, or should be mean in other ways. But it does mean that if you come off as appearing as too desperate, the unconscious message he will get is that you have no other options, which makes him feel that you might not be everything you seem to be. He will be cautious, and will not call. If, on the other hand, you are more casual about the possibility that he will call again, then this will say to him that you are a desirable woman, one whom many men might wish to get to know, and this will increase your allure in his eyes.

Of course, you also might veer too much in the other direction of these issues, and may be too aloof, or stand-offish. You might talk about yourself without ever listening to him in a give-and-take kind of way. If this is the case, you might want to examine whether or not you really like this guy, or if you need to move on.

The blame might also be his. If he is a player, which is someone who simply wants to date and bed lots and lots of women, then he will certainly never call you again because he wants to move on. He might also be a wonderful person, and you might never have pressured him at all, but he might have an exaggerated fear of commitment, which, to him, might mean more than one date. If either of these things is the case, you are better off that he hasn't called again! You want someone who is long-term material.

The worry, of course, is that if this happens over and over again, and you are not to blame, it could be that you are unconsciously choosing men who are like this. Take a long hard look at the kind of men to whom you are attracted. If you consistently fall for guys who aren't good for the long run, then you might need to work on this tendency of yours if you truly want a man you can love and marry.