I Think I Like Him, but He Has a Previous Wife and Children -- What Should I Do?

This is an issue that can seem easy at first glance, but does indeed require quite a bit of thought and self-searching before one can say anything about it. At first, you might feel that this is no trouble at all! Everyone has a history, and some people do indeed get divorced. It might not be ideal, and it also might not fall in line with your religious and other beliefs, but things do happen sometimes, and one doesn't always want to hold the past against people. Moreover, you might not be a jealous person, and might well understand that your current beau has loved before (as you probably have yourself!) and might also understand that he will want to spend time with his children. Indeed -- you might well meet them yourself and become quite attached to them.

However, while all of these things might be true, it is important to look deeper into this matter before deciding that everything is fine. First of all, let us assume that you and this man end up getting married. It can be very difficult for previous children to accept future wives, women who are not their mothers, as any kind of role model, let alone disciplinarian, in their own lives. And so, especially if the children will be living with you for any length of time, it is critical that you begin right away to see if you can cultivate a relationship with them that will be genuine. You never want to be the hated "step-monster!" And you never want that to come between not only you and your future husband, but also you and your own future children.

Second, it is wise to investigate just how attached your possible future husband is to his previous wife. Some people resolve past issues, come to terms with the end of a love relationship and/or marriage, and move on in a healthy way. They either do this because they are mature enough to do it, or because there are children involved and it is best for them. If this is the case, then you have nothing to worry about -- you might even be able to look forward to a relatively amicable acquaintanceship with the previous wife! However, if things ended badly, if your boyfriend has left-over feelings for this woman that he hasn't come to terms with, or if she herself is too attached and he cannot bring himself to deal with the matter -- if any of these things is true, you will need to tell your beau to work on them right now before you agree to go any further. Let me tell you, if this man cannot work things out with his previous wife, then their past will intrude upon your present and future in ways you cannot imagine. There will be constant drama, and you do not want that.

Finally, assuming these issues of the children and previous wife are just fine, look inside yourself more deeply to determine just how little of a jealous person you really are. It is typical that our convictions are not really set in stone until they are tested. Will you really understand when he spends an occasional entire Saturday with his children, and not with you? Will you really be fine when he goes to pick up his children from their mother's house, and stops for a cup of coffee? If so, then you will be fine! If not, you might want to see if you can't work on your jealousy issues right now, because they will certainly come to haunt you later.